All Good In Thailand

first things first...we're all safe. we were lucky enough to have been on the other side of the country when the tsunami hit...the images coming through on cnn now are unbelievable...we would've been sitting on those very beaches or in a little bungalow just across the street, just FOUR days from now...it's crazy to think it...that it was that close...phuket is completely destroyed and i've had to change reservations for new years...we'll probably head to koh tao on this side of the country instead... can't believe that koh phi phi is completely gone, almost 200 beach bungalows and 70 people on the beach there were just washed away...


Patong beach, in ruins



Karon beach, where we would've spent New Years is destroyed

met up with matt and mike on the 20th and we had a crazy party in downtown lamai....then a few days recovering on the beautiful beaches...then chaweng beach for another huge night out at the green mango....and then to bang rak beach for christmas...here, the sound of scooters, honking tuktuks and taxis fill the air which is perfumed with the stench of rotting onions and open sewer drains...the shopkeeps hawking their wares, fake gucci and prada handbags, oakley sunglasses, von dutch, rolex watches, finely tailored armani suits, imitation discmans and soap carvings...we eat fried rice and chicken, pepperd with hot sauce from bamboo chairs while flies buzz around our feet...the beaches are long and sandy, the water is shallow, clear and blue as white clouds float through the sky and we drink beerchang and smoke cheap thai cigarettes...

the full moon party last night was another crazy night...over 6000 people on the beach....dancing, drinking, having sex, doing drugs, fighting, screaming, swimming, peeing in the ocean...bars serving magic mushroom shakes to whoever feels the need to indulge, neon paint everywhere, stages and sound systems, pounding music, people passed out asleep in the sand, as everyone just walks and dances around them...it was the biggest party i've ever been to...i brought a disposable camera so when i get the photos back i'll put them up...

gotta run now, i'm in thong sala on koh phangan and the beach is calling my name

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DAYS FOUR TO SEVEN

and you thought i died of starvation, but i'm still alive. they were mostly like the earlier days, less headache and soreness and more alertness. i spend day 5 hiking the three waterfalls on the island just south of Lamai beach. Hin Lad was pretty nice but quite a hike there theough tropical jungle. there were huge tree ferns and palms in the forest, giant fronds almost as ig as some of the trees that grow on the beach. Ma Muang Waterfall I was also pretty nice, it had a concrete road all the way to the base so i didn't have to hike. and then Na Muang II, was a hellish hike up steep slopes, clambering up tree trunks and roots and over slippery rocks, hanging on to ropes...the view wasn't really worth it and i was exhausted. the cleanse finished up pretty nicely. i was stiull clearing a lot of blockages, even on day 7, amazing because by that time i hadn't eaten anything solid in 8 days. my firends, jaime and katie arrived the day before my last day of the cleanse and we hung out on the beach for awhile. it was cool having some people to talk to finally as i didn't really have anyone else to hang out with for my time at the spa. when i could finally eat, yesterday i started the morning out with "Guy's Breakfast," papaya, goat yogurt and bee pollen. it was pretty good, the papaya has a lot of enzymes that aid in digestion and it's good for getting people off a fast. but everything went downhill from there...i had a beer, and then another and then another...i wasn't feeling sick at all. then we went for lunch downtown and i had a BLT sandwich and some more beer, then another big beer and then for dinner i went out for italian food, had a calzone and some red wine and then another beer. holy crap! i wasn't feeling bad at all and everything passed through me just fine...so all good right. this morning i decided to cut back on the beers a bit, had a "guy's breakfast" again and will soon head over to jaime and katies resort for some more beach fun. matt and mike are showing up later today too!!

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DAYS FOUR TO SEVEN

and you thought i died of starvation, but i'm still alive. they were mostly like the earlier days, less headache and soreness and more alertness. i spend day 5 hiking the three waterfalls on the island just south of Lamai beach. Hin Lad was pretty nice but quite a hike there theough tropical jungle. there were huge tree ferns and palms in the forest, giant fronds almost as ig as some of the trees that grow on the beach. Ma Muang Waterfall I was also pretty nice, it had a concrete road all the way to the base so i didn't have to hike. and then Na Muang II, was a hellish hike up steep slopes, clambering up tree trunks and roots and over slippery rocks, hanging on to ropes...the view wasn't really worth it and i was exhausted. the cleanse finished up pretty nicely. i was stiull clearing a lot of blockages, even on day 7, amazing because by that time i hadn't eaten anything solid in 8 days. my firends, jaime and katie arrived the day before my last day of the cleanse and we hung out on the beach for awhile. it was cool having some people to talk to finally as i didn't really have anyone else to hang out with for my time at the spa. when i could finally eat, yesterday i started the morning out with "Guy's Breakfast," papaya, goat yogurt and bee pollen. it was pretty good, the papaya has a lot of enzymes that aid in digestion and it's good for getting people off a fast. but everything went downhill from there...i had a beer, and then another and then another...i wasn't feeling sick at all. then we went for lunch downtown and i had a BLT sandwich and some more beer, then another big beer and then for dinner i went out for italian food, had a calzone and some red wine and then another beer. holy crap! i wasn't feeling bad at all and everything passed through me just fine...so all good right. this morning i decided to cut back on the beers a bit, had a "guy's breakfast" again and will soon head over to jaime and katies resort for some more beach fun. matt and mike are showing up later today too!!

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DAY THREE
Today I woke up around 5am as I have been doing for the last few days. Nothing I can seem to do to get up any later, and by 8 at night I'm exhausted. Suddenly, I find myself waking up at 10pm or 11pm and being all confused as to what day it is and whether it's night or not and if I've missed my detox drinks and supplements...

I took my motorcycle around the whole island today. It took about 3 hours. I headed straight through Chaweng and to Bo Phut beach, a little fishing village on the North side of the island. It was really nice there and I kept looking in the shops and seeing bags of chips, cold beers....and then in the restaurants, piping hot plates of Thai fried rice and shrimp with fresh chillies...so hungry, I decide on a restaurant and then remember I can't eat.

After Bo Phut, I headed to Bang Rak, Big Buddha beach, to see the giant golden Buddha. It was pretty nice, again, I was just thinking about food and it would've been really nice to have a meal there. There were all kinds of really nice cafes and little restaurants right on the beach and overlooking the water.

From Bo Phut, I sped around past Nathon to the southern end of Lamai beach and checked out the Samui Aquarium and Tiger Show. The aquarium was weak, but the show was really good, I'd recommend it to anyone. They had parrots riding bicyles and otters putting empty water bottles in trash cans and half way through they had the tiger show, with full-grown Bengal tigers, about 6 of them, jumping around and through hoops of fire. After the Aquarium, I went to the Butterfly Garden, which was kind of a waste of money. The lady told me that I get a free gift from the giftshop when I was finished, if I showed them my stub, by I forgot. I'll never know what it was, probably a can of soda and I wouldn't have been able to drink it anyways.

I've had a headache today too, but not as bad as yesterday. My joints haven't been aching either which is always good. More and more stuff keeps coming out of me, it's really amazing, if you can call it that. I haven't eaten a thing in four days now...but there's still solid, thick nasty stuff coming out...

I also have started swimming in the ocean by the resort every afternoon which is really nice and I used my free Herbal Steam Room visit today too. It's supposed to help eliminate toxins through the skin. They want me to buy a pass for with 7 visits for 900 baht ($30). I'm not really a fan of steam rooms, so I'm gonna skip it. You just sit there, staring at the wall, thinking, "What am I supposed to do now?" You have to get naked and it's coed (you're wearing a sarong though), I don't understand why you can't just wear swimming shorts...it's a big deal, you have to collect a towel and sarong, change, put your stuff in a locker, put the towel outside the door, go in, sit there, come out, have a shower, drink tea, then change again...useless!

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THE CLEANSE

Here's a little bit of background. I'm at the Spa Samui Resort on Hat Lamai beach, Koh Samui, Thailand. I've signed up for a seven day detoxification cleanse/fast program. The program requires me to take 30 detox and supplement pills every day, in addition to five detox shakes, consisting of bentonite clay and psyllium husk powder all mixed up in fresh juices. On top of all of this, I also have to do two colemas a day, flushing out my small/large intestine and colon. I cannot eat anything during this seven day period...NOTHING! I am allowed two coconut milks or thin broth soups a day though....but nothing solid!

DAY ONE
The night before I had to take a couple of pills and then be up for 7am to drink my frist detox shake. Not a problem, it was mixed with pineapple juice and although a little thick, went down fairly smoothly. I followed up with the pills and more shakes and more pills...every hour and a half. Then at 4:00 we had to watch an instructional video on how to do our colemas. Fortunately, I'm staying at the resort and can do mine in my own bathroom, if you aren't staying here you have to rent a special room. The video was informative, it had this Australian guy talking for awhile about the Spa and the program and then straight to the nitty gritty. Basically, I just take this fibreglass board and balance it on the end of my toilet and a stool. The board has a white hood at one end, this should be over the toilet. Then you take your bucket of water, coffee and apple cider vinegar and put it on the counter or hang it from a hook in the ceiling. There's a long clear tube coming from the bucket and you suck on the end to start the vacuum and then clamp it off. After attatching the tube to your personal colema tip, you lube up and shove it up your ass. The tip isn't that big, maybe 3/4 of a cm thick. After that, you lie back, unclamp the hose and let it flow. You're supposed to let it in, hold for as long as possible and then release, right into the toilet. My first time, a lot came out, a lot more than I would've expected after not eating for a day...the whole process wasn't as uncomfortable as it might sound, kind of like having the worst explosive diarrhea you've ever had every 30 secs or so...for about 25 minutes. I felt okay today, kind of had a little headache later in the evening. I slept most of the day, read and walked to town...

DAY TWO
Today was no problem either. I managed to perfectly time all of my pills and detox shakes. I got one to go, rented a Honda motorcycle for the week and took down past Lamai beach. Checked out a temple which contains the undecomposed body of a monk. The monk predicted the date of his own death exactly and told his friends and family that after he dies he will not decompose. He achieved this through meditation and he wanted his family to put his body on display to show people the truths of Buddhism and meditation. Well, he died on the date he said he would and for the last 20 years or so, his body has not decomposed. He's sitting there, with a pair of sunglasses on, looking a bit white, but still there. They also have these ancient sticks that you shake while thinking of something you want. One stick will fall out of the can, you match the number on the stick with a number on a board just outside the temple. It tells you your fortune and if your wish will come true. I won't say what I wished for, but the prediction given after was surprisingly right on the money...

After the temple, I headed back towards Lamai and to the Hin Ta, Hin Yai (Grandfather/Grandmother) rocks. They are these giant boulders shaped like male and female genitalia. The legend says something about A grandfather and grandmother who wanted their son to be married, but drown in the ocean before they could see it happen. Their bodies turned into these genital shaped rocks to signify what they wanted their son to do (? really it says this on the sign). Anyways, the Samui islanders believe that they were all born of these two rocks. They were pretty neat looking and not that touristy (yet). There was a long walk through shops and stands to get down, but I took a secret entrance in and hiked through jungle bypassing all the tourist-trap souvenir shops.

My colemas were fine today, lots more stuff still coming out. I had a terrible headache all day and the joints in my knees and ankles are aching. All the toxins are coming out of my organs and stirring up in my blood.

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Getting Warmer...

The hell train to Shenzhen left at 8:30pm last Friday. 24 hours in a cramped third story bunk bed with the ceiling barely a foot above me. I thought I would see the beautiful countryside of China, but instead it was mostly just leafless trees, peppered with black garbage bags, chickens running around sewers and potbelly pigs. I arrived in Shenzhen very late and had caught a terrible cold/cough somewhere in Beijing. (I'm blaming it on the dirty, choking smog and late night drinking parties at the Far East...) Shenzhen was just another big Chinese city, people grabbing me from every direction..."Massage, sir, very beautiful lady...very sexy lady..." If I learned anything from Marty, it was how to get the "GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" just right...

The next morning I crossed over into Hong Kong, a good hour or so through customs and on the train and I ended up in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong. Beautiful, now I wouldn't say the air was clean, but it was much cleaner than Beijing. The air was warm, maybe 24C, bright lights, and big buildings, parks, the ocean...I wandered around Victoria Park and then the Western Market. I headed down to Aberdeen Harbour on the South coast and took a junk boat tour around. Then Repulse Bay, where the British "repulsed" a band of pirates and Stanley Bay. Beautiful sandy beaches, giant mansions for the Hong Kong millionaires overlooking the ocean on cliffs, with palm trees and giant ferns, and yachts and sailboats in the harbour...unbelievable! I went up to Victoria Peak on the Peak Tram that night for a fantastic view of the whole island, Kowloon and the New Territories.

The next morning, straight to Bangkok. After landing, I ran around like a chicken from terminal to terminal trying to buy a Tourist Visa. I wanted to purchase a two-month Visa, instead of having to buy extensions all the time...the immigration guy there told me it's not possible, but I think he's lying, the 2003 Lonely PLanet says it's no problem...I'll have to try again at an immigration office in one of these towns I visit. Anyways, I finally got the last flight out of Bangkok to Hat Yai and arrived at 11pm. Only licensed cabs were left and I had to pay $9, just to go the 12km into town. I'm now at the Cathay Guesthouse in Hat Yai....it's beautiful here, tropical ferns and plants growing from cracks in the buildings, sudden and short warm rainfalls, geckos on the ceiling...I'm heading to Songkhla tomorrow and later to Nakhon Si Thammarat and Surat Thani by December 12th...

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