i guess everything that you fear will happen sooner or later if you don't take any steps to stop it.


last night was my LAST night of work. i closed. it wasn't busy. in fact, i served my last table an hour before closing. two more came in but sarah took them both (thanks sarah!) i had a beer and then went with randal downtown to el furniture for some more drinks...home at 3am, up at 10am. what is with this early morning insomnia i've been having lately? it's not doing me any good.


so what the hell am i going to do with myself now? i've been trying to make some solid decisions in my life. i'm tired of running away from things. i'm tired of being sad. kristin and i broke up and now i have too much time on my hands. i started painting again, a bit, and i guess i can focus on writing too. maybe i'll do some volunteer work.


i've been trying to get a hold of the rcmp forensic lab human resources office in ottawa to find out what steps i have to take to get qualified for being a forensic evidence collection technician. they haven't written back yet. i've tried getting a hold of the bcit forensic program head to find out what they mean when they say i need 6 months relevant experience before being accepted to the program. they haven't written back yet.


i'm kinda sorta looking for lab tech jobs right now. but i really think i need at least this next month, maybe the next two months, off...just to pull myself together.


this is my life.
and it's ending one minute at a time.

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i was swimming in the caribbean
animals were hiding behind the rocks, yeah
except the little fish, but they told me east west
tying to talk to me koi koi


--the pixies 'where is my mind?'


there's a lot on my mind. so many difficult decisions to make these days. i don't know what to think. i've got a lot to figure out.

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i'm 27 today. TWENTY-SEVEN! it doesn't seem that old now. i remember when i was 16 and kurt cobain killed himself at 27, i thought to myself how old that was...i thought he was an adult. and jim morrisson and janis joplin, layne staley, jimi hendrix...etc...all at 27! what does that mean? is this a f'ed up year for people to go through?


i'm a bit lost now. something i thought was secure, isn't anymore and it was really the main reason why i'm even here in vancouver right now, and it's just gone and over and i suddenly feel like i don't know what i'm doing. i'm second-guessing all my decisions. it's kind of scary how this time last week, i was on top of the world and now, now i'm as far away from that as anyone could be.



melvin gives me a birthday kiss, may 15, 2004

two years ago today, christa, soutthida, sheena, misty, melvin, naekyong, glyn and rachael all went out for my birthday in korea. it was a wild and crazy night, we clubhopped through gyodong taekji, and were asked to leave from numerous bars because there were "too many people together." we ended up downtown at mr. lee's club 'bumpin' and drank the night away (it just so happened to be ALL YOU CAN DRINK). afterwards we all finished up at 'the warehouse' where numerous embarrassing things happened to me...it was a good night.



happy birthday in patara, turkey, may 15, 2005

last year, i was sitting on a beach in patara on the mediterranean coast of turkey with three australians: anita, tony and anna, two dogs: lion dog and choking dog and the old lady who ran the pension we were staying at. we were surrounded by fields of lemon trees and a long white beach with sand dunes that stretched as far as the eye could see. we drank turkish raki liquor and smoked the hookah. it was fun. the following night we were all in fethiye and met up with a couple of canadians: nev and annie and went out to the car cemetery bar for drinks before heading to greece the next day.



in fethiye

today, as you know, i'm here in vancouver. kristin's taking me out for dinner tonight and then i'm going out with some friends tomorrow...

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something sad and unexpected has happened. why do i have to keep travelling? why do i have to keep running away? why can't i just be satisfied with what i have.


what do i really want?


i might not post for awhile.

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this has been a long time coming...i started nine years ago...way way WAAAY back in 97...and now i'm finally done (and for good i hope)...


today...i QUIT my job...


a lot of things have contributed to this, i'm not going to go into detail...i'm just glad to be finished. two years ago, i was feeling pretty much the same as i do now, right before i up and left for korea. it was time to do something different and i didn't want to get stuck in the serving rut again...and well, i guess, it was now or never...


so this is going to be MY summer


"the summer of kiran"

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i went to granville island a couple of weeks ago for lunch with my mom...



granville and 8th...the art galleries...




granville and 6th, a parking meter...




fiddleheads...




the walkway under the granville street bridge under a halogen light setting in vivid blue with a radial blur...




granville island public market...




a seagull...




looking across false creek under the granville street bridge...




playing with pigeons outside the public market...




i love this sculpture of a silvery school of fish...




a close-up of the school of fish sculpture...




up the stairs to a fine art gallery on on fourth and fir street...

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i had a customer last night who was a bit strange.


she came in with her friend for drinks and appies on the patio. as soon as i cam over to take their drink order she said "what's your name? aren't you supposed to tell us your name?"
no we're not, i think it's kind of cheesy, but i obliged, "my name's kiran..." after i took their order and returned to check on them she said, "kiran, i feel like i have to tell you something...i'm going to guess what your parents do for a living."


--"ok, go for it!" (my dad's an architect, my mom's a retired physiotherapist)

--"schoolteacher!"

--"nope..."

--"engineer..."

--"no, but you're pretty damn close..."

--"architect! you're father is an architect!"

--"yeah, wow, you're right..."

--"now you're mom, that's a bit more difficult, i get the feeling she's caring for people, so i'm going to say she's a homemaker..."

--"nope..."

--"ok i'm going to lean towards the health-care field..."

--"on the right track"

--"doctor or a nurse..."

--"no..."

--"she cares for people, she treats them...ummm"


i gave her a little while, then told her my mom's a retired physiotherapist...she didn't get it...then she went on to tell me that someone on my mother's side, a man has recently passed away, like within the last year, and he's the one telling her this stuff, he wanted my mom to know that she "really helped people"


then she started tearing up...


that was the end of it...


UNTIL...about 20 minutes later, i got a phone call "kiran...there's some lady on line 1 who wants to talk to you and she won't say who it is..."


--"HELLO?"

--"hi, how are you?"

--"fine..."

--"are you done, are you cashing out?"

--"almost...who is this?"

--"it's janice, from before"

--"oh HI?"

--"i just wanted to say that i WAS right, because now your mom is RETIRED, so she really IS a HOMEMAKER...that's why i thought that"

--"yeah i guess that's right"


then she started sort of crying on the phone, i said goodbye...she said she'd be back...


so what do you think? was this lady psychic or was she just guessing? she told me some other stuff that is true as well, but i don't want to reveal it here...

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